Introduction

Let me start off by saying I in no way, shape, or form hate movies. In fact it's quite the opposite I love to watch films. I always have; I can remember as a small child having: Belle and Little Foot tuck me in at night instead of Dr.Seuss or Teddy Ruxpin (just for my fellow 80's babies). The blog name comes from conversations with my co-workers on films, after which they usually just agree that I don't like any movies at all. I wouldn't say I'm overly critical of films, I'd just say I'm not likely to give out comments such as "Great Film" that easily. And with film budgets frequently topping 100 million and the best paid actors / actresses being paid 20 million plus a film; I don't think it's too much to ask that I actually be entertained by a movie. Instead, watching most movies for me feels like I'm eating cow patties, all the while being reassured that this is indeed the filet mignon I ordered.

Being a lover of good cinema, I'm writing this blog to give my opinion on films I watch. I'd like to watch and critique at least one film available in most theaters, and one film that is available to rent in most movie rental retailers each week. In the event I can't make it to the theaters (my check wouldn't post in time or something) I'll attempt to re-place the theatrical film with a rental. I'll also try my hardest not to give away key aspects of the films I critique since I'm always upset when someone spoils things for me in films I haven't seen. The films will be rated on the following scales:

Movies Showing in Theaters

Rating Scale

Must See In Theater

Movies falling into this category are good strong films that are enhanced by the viewing experience you can only get in a movie theater staring at a 40 ft screen with full surround sound

Must Own

Movies in this category are one’s I may have recommended to be seen in theaters and are films that would be good additions to any movie buffs catalog of films

Good Rental

This category is reserved for films that are good enough to spend money on but not really worth the theater prices or to take up space on a shelf in your home, but still worth seeing as soon as they are available to rent

Wait For Premium Showing

This is a film I’d consider average no real strong performances, or new plots offered but a movie worth seeing at some point just not worth spending money on past the premium cable channel add-on you may already pay for (i.e. HBO, Showtime, Cinemax, Stars, Encore) tried not to leave anyone out don’t be offended if I did I love all premium channels equally, I promise

Catch if you’re in the Mood

This is a film you may want to catch sometime but don’t make plans around it, best to catch it if you're in the mood to rapidly stick rusty nails in and out of your cornea

Movies Available at Rental Retailers

Rating Scale

Must Own

Movies in this category are very good films and well worth the extra $15 or so over renting to take a spot in your film collection

Rent Now

This category is reserved for films that just missed being worthy of a theater view, or have moved to video before I could review it in theaters but is a good film and should be rented as soon as you have a chance to but may not warrant the second, third, forth, etc viewing of a must own film

Rent for $1 or Less

This is a pretty good film nothing special, but worth a rent if you happen to find a Redbox, MovieCube, or some other $0.99 retailer that carries the film go for it

Waste of Plastic

Reserved for films that should replace water bottles in the adds aimed at inspiring people to reduce their carbon foot prints (i.e. they belong in a landfill)

I plan on reviewing 2 films as stated above once a week and posting a new blog by Sunday of each week, starting Sunday February 21, 2010. But to give a sense of my critique style, I rented the film Pandorum last night, below is my review.

Movie: Pandorum

Now I don't usually find myself in the mood for the hybrid spawn of two different movie genres, you know Romantic-Comedy, Action-Suspense-Thriller, Dramatic-Comedy. They in general don't quite hit the mark for either genre, and end up falling short in my expectations, or usually loose the feeling of one of the genres and end up falling into just one category with traces of the other(s). I above all detest the mating of Science Fiction and Horror to produce the often deformed movie offspring of the Space Horror film. As far as I'm concerned this marriage of genres is always better as a one night stand in which all loin fruit are terminated upon conception. It simply doesn't work, Event Horizon anyone. I'd like to know what crack team of screen writers is responsible for films starting with both the main character and viewing audience lost with no idea of where we are or why we're there; only to be given several non explored or fully explained explanations of what's happened by the half way point in the film, never to be confirmed during the course of the film. I blame M. Night Shyamalan for my other complaint, the unexpected completely unrelated twist in the last 10 minutes of a film. He only did it good once, The Sixth Sense, and he did it quite well in that one film. However since then he nor anyone else for that matter have been able to introduce a plot twist of great significance in the last 10 minutes of a film that A. Makes sense, B. Is clever, and C. Adds to the movie. Pandorum doesn't fail to try and fail at the last 10 minute plot twist. Screen writers I implore you please stop it; just stop. The good is that the film did have an overall theme which is explained in the film two or three times, for those of us too bored to catch it the first time, and the theme also explains the films title; which I mostly enjoy when the title isn't self-explanatory. But other than that it's a film that begins down hill, and somehow rolls further below sea level as the movie progresses. There are no great conflicts, no outstanding acting, visually it wasn't moving, no real character development, and the dialogue wasn't particularly interesting; I'd rate this dvd a Waste of Plastic